The Donaldson Adoption Institute is looking for dynamic guest bloggers to contribute insightful and educational pieces on adoption and foster care adoption for our blog. We’re interested in the following topics:
- Openness in adoption
- Post-adoption services
- Modern family experience
- Maintaining healthy family connections
- Lifelong journey of adoption
- Access to original birth certificates
- Influence of money and market forces on adoption
- Balancing differences of race, class and culture in adoption and foster care adoption
- Need for uniformity in adoption laws, policies and practices
If you’re interested in contributing as a guest blogger, please email Heather Schultz (Communications and Development Manager) at firstname.lastname@example.org with one writing sample, resume or bio and 2-3 desired topics of interest. Once your topic is approved, please submit an 800-1,000 word blog post for our review and consideration. All submissions must be original and unpublished. Within one week, we will notify you whether your submission will be posted.
Family is the foundation of humanity, binding us together, even with the nuances that make our experiences discrete. Family is also the fundamental building block of society. We all, for better or for worse, have people we call family. More than ever before, the landscape of family is changing, and supports are needed as individuals navigate the beautiful, yet complex relationships of today’s modern family. Particularly within the sphere of adoption and foster care, families may struggle at times to make sense of their blended experiences. The Donaldson Adoption Institute (DAI) in partnership with the Adoptive and Foster Family Coalition of New York (AFFCNY) is excited to launch “Building Strong Families: Advancing Post-Adoption Services,” a new initiative to provide education and advocacy surrounding the need for post-adoption support.
The research base is clear that families who come together through adoption and foster care adoption thrive when they are able to access quality post-adoption services and support. Yet, research also reveals a lack of adoption-competent options and an overall inaccessibility of appropriate services. Many families, particularly those who adopt from foster care, will benefit from counseling and other services to best meet their children’s needs. This is not because there is something inherently wrong with these families; rather the experiences that lead a child to experience foster care and subsequent adoption often include trauma. Although we may see this more commonly in adoptions from the child welfare system, the reality is all types of adoption require that parents are thoughtfully informed and prepared before an adoption is complete and that they have access to quality post-adoption services long after an adoption is finalized. Adoption is the essence of what is meant by the word “bittersweet”; it is filled with loss for all involved yet can also be filled with joy and healing. This type of experience naturally will require the right supports in order for all members of the extended family of adoption to make sense of their unique family and truly thrive.
When people reach out for help and find that it is difficult to come by, unaffordable or otherwise inaccessible, families are unnecessarily burdened. Although most families in adoption will ultimately manage these difficulties, many may struggle needlessly to overcome challenges that can be balanced when quality supports are in place. For some families though, the lack of support in the face of overwhelming hardship may lead to further disruptions and dangerous decision-making on behalf of children. The worst of these is seen in the case of unregulated child custody transfers, a process termed “rehoming” by the news media to capture instances where parents place children they’ve adopted with new caregivers outside of legal channels and without appropriate oversight. Although it would be unfair to say this behavior is common, even one child “rehomed” is one child too many. Surely, we can do better than this. And we must do better than this if we want to offer adoption as a solution that is in a child’s best interest.
“Building Strong Families” is an initiative with several key components that all serve to strengthen children and families. The “Building Strong Families” website includes information pertaining to relevant news and research in the area of post-adoption services, as well as resources that can help families gain access to existing services. In addition to this practical tool, “Building Strong Families” seeks to advocate for quality and accessible post-adoption services that are streamlined and appropriately funded. We are beginning in New York and hope to expand to other states as well. This advocacy effort will exist in partnership with organizations and individuals with both personal and professional connections to adoption and foster care adoption. It is within the experiences of those who have truly thrived when service provision was consistent with their needs that the strongest case for ensuring effective post-adoption services will be made. The New York advocacy effort will ideally serve as a model for other states to engage in similar efforts on behalf of their families, and regular updates on progress will be posted on the “Building Strong Families” website.
Under the best of circumstances, maintaining healthy family connections is challenging and requires preparedness, thoughtfulness and patience. For everyone in the adoption and foster care adoption communities, navigating this journey can be even more challenging. Access to quality post-adoption services is critical so families can thrive and children have all they need and deserve. To learn more about the “Building Strong Families” initiative, visit www.buildingstrongfamiliesny.org.
Strong families build strong communities and strong communities make a better world for all of us. Join us as we work to give every family the chance to be strong!
What makes the news in adoption? Most frequently, it’s the sensational. It is the “Either/Or” theme or “Us vs. Them” mentality that makes the headlines – either extremely good OR terribly bad; either this OR that. Rarely is adoption shown as the many shades of gray that more aptly depict this complex experience.
The most recent of these polarizing narratives surrounds Olympic gymnast Simone Biles, her kinship adoption, and the need society has to publicly and shamelessly call into question the diverse family connections that comprise the adoption experience.
Although NBC announcer Al Trautwig ultimately deleted the tweet in reference to Simone’s parents, in which he insisted “they may be mom and dad but they are NOT her parents,” it’s true that nothing ever really disappears in the vast land of social media. Commentary continues in the wake of his ignorant remark, as the public weighs in with their opinions surrounding the authenticity of Simone Biles’ family connections, and how this reflects on their own family experience.
It is incredibly sad that something so personal as an adoption experience is being debated in the public sphere, as though any of us have a right to comment on how Simone chooses to reference her own family connections. Indeed, nothing seems to be sacred when it comes to using adoption as fodder for dramatic headlines, inappropriate punch lines or click bait. As two adoption professionals, we choose to comment on this recent media buzz simply to use what others have made public in the hopes of educating. Within this teachable moment, we wish to share three critical elements:
Adoption is Not Either/Or
The extended family of adoption include biological parents, parents through adoption, the child and the family members connected to each. In many ways, all families contain people who have multiple roles in our lives. An uncle can also be a godfather. Family roles need not be mutually exclusive, nor do they need to be in competition with one another. And while all people have parents we are born to, some people also have parents we know through the experience of adoption. One would think that as adults, who likely have some experience with complex family structures such as blended families and step-parenting, we would easily be able to make sense of these intricacies. Yet the conversation surrounding Simone Biles’ family says otherwise.
It is critical that as adults we learn to make sense of multiple family connections, value them all equally, and recognize that our responsibility is not to make ourselves feel better about these intricacies that sometimes push conventional ideas; rather, it is to ensure that a child can feel proud of whoever is a part of their family and validated in whomever they wish to call mom or dad. A child, young person or adult that has been adopted into a new family structure or system, even one that has biological connections through kinship adoption, need not be forced to choose between the two or have to decide which is better or what is “real.”
— Mark Berman (@MarkBermanFox26) July 4, 2016
It IS What You Say
The overwhelming chatter surrounding Al Trautwig’s tweet focused on an issue that continues to deeply wound people connected to adoption – the language we use when talking about adoption and foster care experiences. It was not the fact that Trautwig insisted on referring to Simone’s parents via their ancestral connection to her; rather, it is what his comment implied about the meaning of parenthood when the role is not defined biologically or traditionally. In the articles and blogs that followed Al’s transgression, you could feel the pain such an implication generates. Adults who had a connection to adoption for many years continue to feel the sting at the idea that they are not “real” parents or that their parents are not “real.” We often completely ignore the biological parent in these conversations – a group that is often marginalized in these discussions.
There are many divergent opinions on language in adoption, with no easy solutions to the challenges we face when trying to figure out the “right” way to discuss adoption. It’s probably because there is no one way to have this conversation, but there should be a healthy way. As adults, we must work to better respond to this issue on behalf of the youngest among us, in a way that speaks to their needs. Too often, children are trying to make sense of their experiences in a world that has stigmatized adoption and painted it as second best. Within this debate about language, we must consider how the competing interests of adults impact the developing needs of children. When considering the wide range of words that can be used to describe the complicated and unique experiences in adoption, it’s important that our vocabulary should not be about what makes adults more comfortable, but rather, what is healthy for children. And it wouldn’t feel good for anyone to think that their parents are not “real.”
We Do Need to Get ‘Real’ About Adoption
There was a particularly insightful piece on Vox which candidly (and fittingly) pointed out that the most sensational aspect of Simone’s experience was the fact that the child welfare system managed to keep a family of color together through the beauty of kinship adoption. We know that children and young people of color are over-represented in foster care, often remain there for far longer than is appropriate, and frequently age out to live a life riddled with hardship.
The realities of the adoption and foster care experiences are far from the images most people have in their minds. While the extremes that headline in the news are the exception, it is a mistake to believe that these experience are without challenge, particularly for children who are waiting in our foster care system for a permanent family connection. Creating resources for these children, including a thorough exploration of existing family connections, should be our top priority. If we want to learn anything from Simone Biles’ experience, let it be that.
The adoption community comes together very quickly when public misperceptions wound the very core of what grounds us – our families. Meaningful change though will only occur when we can organize and align ourselves with one another to educate society in a healthy and realistic way about adoption and foster care. We need to increase these educational efforts across the board as well as access to quality pre- and post-adoption services for families. We owe it to our children to do so.
As two professionals in adoption, we offer this piece because we believe there is a pressing need to encourage a more evolved conversation about adoption and foster care. Within this need, we all must mindfully consider the language we use when discussing these deeply personal experiences and we all must work harder at shifting the focus to the realities of our experiences, not just what makes the headlines.
As two adopted people, we find it incredibly sad that an individual’s very personal situation continues to fuel a public debate that brings us back to the same tired place – whether an adoptive family is as good as a biological one. Nowhere does this debate seem more charged than within our very own adoption community.
We get that the words hurt. Believe us – it’s even harder when you’re a child who has been adopted and at every turn you have to defend how you wound up with a family you weren’t born to. At a very young age, we receive a loud and clear message from society that this is not an optimal situation to be in, and this is a message that continues throughout our lives.
But as adults, if we can’t move ourselves to a place where we all feel secure in our roles, where we own this experience in a way that our validation comes from within, it will be impossible to generate a much needed shift in this conversation with others. And so the cycle will continue, creating more hardship for the youngest among us. And in another 18 years, the next Olympic hopeful who also shares an adoption connection will generate the greatest buzz not about her amazing talent or effervescent spirit, but rather about who makes up her family and what she calls her parents.
We admire you, Simone Biles, for your beauty, and your power, for your breathtaking abilities and your grace. Thank you for representing the United States of America at the 2016 Rio Summer Olympics.
August 11, 2016. Olympic Champion pic.twitter.com/d8VXRQ7vC5
— Simone Biles (@Simone_Biles) August 12, 2016
Our Let’s Adopt Reform initiative continues with an important message shedding light on perspectives surrounding adoption, foster care adoption and family. Please click below to view the SlideShare and please be sure to view in full-screen.
The presentation is a jumping-off place that outlines key issues and sets up our vision for a path to much-needed reform. We believe that what we already know from our decades of research, combined with what we discovered through our public opinion research and what we discussed on our National Tour about family, identity, human rights and education will serve as a foundation for the path to reform.
Read more about “Adoption in America Today: The Good, The Bad, and a Path to Reform” on The Huffington Post here.
If you believe in reform as much as we do, please share this important message with your network and help DAI continue our vital work by donating today.
If you are unable to view the presentation, please click here.